This spring I shared about a homily we heard from Father Columba Jordan, CFR, while visiting Gabe and his fellow postulants in Harlem. Father Columba asked if we were handing our problems over to the Lord or squeezing Him like a stress ball while we tried to handle them ourselves. Surrender is more than admitting we need help or even asking for help—it means relinquishing control and receiving His help, in whatever form it comes.

Fast-forward to this month: After years of talking about it, Jodi and I decided to work on our marriage together by participating in the Healing the Whole Person study at the church this summer. By most measures, our marriage is healthy and strong, but anyone who has spent decades living with the same person can point to areas in need of healing: issues that consistently cause anxiety or anger, conversations that invariably go sideways, little things that drive us crazy in disproportionately big ways. And we don’t want to settle for that.

For my part, the study is bearing fruit, and the timing couldn’t be better. With the passing of my dad; deeper connections among my mom, my sister, and me over the past few years; and Jodi’s and my efforts to reconnect, it’s felt very natural to examine all these relationships and pray about why we are the way we are.

Perhaps the biggest benefit so far has been the “permission” to look at my life story with a critical eye, without worrying about tarnishing my memories, dishonoring my family, or comparing my life to others who may have it worse. Sometimes when we think back on our lives, we buff out the bad times, bury them out of respect for those we love, or dismiss them as not so bad. Sometimes we tell ourselves we are stronger because of what we suffered. Sometimes we shrug and shake our heads. Sometimes we laugh it off.

We handle it—but anyone dealing with chronic pain can tell you that management is not the same as a cure.

With so much suffering in the world, our personal hurts may appear to be no big deal, but we are called to God’s own life and love, where there is no suffering. In the light of that heavenly reality, every hurt matters and warrants Jesus’s personal, healing touch.

So don’t wait. We all carry wounds with us, which fester if left unattended. Bring them to the Divine Physician for healing, that you live in His joy and His peace.