marriage

Final Column: Farewell to Our Spiritual Home

/ J. Thorp / Leave a comment

In 2003, when Jodi and I decided to move to Minnesota, I was media relations manager for Ferris State University in Michigan. We were in our twenties, both working, with three preschoolers in daycare and living five miles or so from my folks.

As I prepared to leave that role, a colleague a few years older than me gave me a set of nice pens inscribed with my name and three C words that he felt described me. I don’t recall the first two, but the last one was “Courage”—that one I remember because I thought it strange at the time. We were young and in love; I had just landed a great-paying job with a marketing firm in Minneapolis, and we had family in the Twin Cities area. What was so brave about it?

Now, preparing to move to Bismarck in our fifties, I know better. It is hard to leave the familiar, the comfortable, the secure—the blessings of a community that has been our haven for nearly half our lives, and the only home most of our five children can recall.

We are trying to be brave. It is not easy.

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‘Life Is Different with a Daughter’

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Last Saturday, our daughter Emma married Isaac, a Catholic high school tehology teacher and former seminarian from South Dakota, whom she met at the University of Mary. He’s a good man, she’s a wonderful young woman—but as any father of a little girl can tell you, life is different with a daughter.

It was an emotional day. I managed to hold myself together until just before my father-of-the-groom speech, below. The video begins with Jodi and I and Steve and Carol, Isaac’s folks, blessing the couple…

Book Break: Happy Are You Poor

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For the past 20+ years, I’ve noticed several strange phenomena nearly every time a conversation turns to what the gospel says about material wealth and spiritual poverty:

  • Friendly conversations turn defensive: “We don’t have that much; so-and-so has X, and vacations every year in Y.”
  • Faithful Catholics attempt to justify themselves: “If you include Catholic school tuition, we give 10 percent like the Bible says—and we serve in other ways too!”
  • Straightforward moralists become subtle and nuanced: “What ‘poor in spirit’ actually means is…’”

And, in some cases, actual spiritual deafness occurs: I was in a conversation once in which I admitted my own struggles in this area and said I felt I needed to do more to actually love my neighbor from my own resources. A friend followed my remarks with, “It’s like Jim says…” and proceeded to relate the exact opposite message.

Father Thomas Dubay’s book Happy Are You Poor was written to combat these phenomena with clear teaching from the Gospels and the rest of sacred Scripture, edification offered by various popes and councils, and the lives of the saints. It was recommended to me by Father Daly in response to the awe I feel as Brother Jude (our second son Gabe) proceeds in his journey as a Franciscan friar and the conviction that I need to live a less self-centered and materialistic life.

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Wednesday Witness: Checking the ‘Charity’ Box

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Tomorrow is Thanksgiving already, and this Sunday, Advent kicks off. Christmas, it seems, is right around the corner, and the world is already in a rush.

It’s easy this time of year to get caught up in the holiday hustle and forget those around us who don’t have basic necessities, let alone comforts and niceties. It’s easy to mean well—to intend to give to charity, then run out time and money between now and New Year’s Eve and resolve to do better next time. And with so many gift trees, food drives, and red-kettle bell-ringers, it’s easy to give little something in passing and feel good that we “did our part.”

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Handled or Healed?

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This spring I shared about a homily we heard from Father Columba Jordan, CFR, while visiting Gabe and his fellow postulants in Harlem. Father Columba asked if we were handing our problems over to the Lord or squeezing Him like a stress ball while we tried to handle them ourselves. Surrender is more than admitting we need help or even asking for help—it means relinquishing control and receiving His help, in whatever form it comes.

Fast-forward to this month: After years of talking about it, Jodi and I decided to work on our marriage together by participating in the Healing the Whole Person study at the church this summer. By most measures, our marriage is healthy and strong, but anyone who has spent decades living with the same person can point to areas in need of healing: issues that consistently cause anxiety or anger, conversations that invariably go sideways, little things that drive us crazy in disproportionately big ways. And we don’t want to settle for that.

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