Could Be A Song, If I Were Musical …

Blogger’s Note: Been thinking about this one for awhile now. Feels like a good first draft. Jinglebob oughta like it; maybe Doug’ll set it to music …

The Pressure Of No Pressure
She thinks I do no wrong – each night
I let her know just how I’m right
She lets me lie to her despite
She thinks I hung the moon

She’s heard the good stuff and the best
I never bother with the rest
What she sees I haven’t guessed
She thinks I hung the moon

And every little slight is dissolved
In her arms each night
And I find warmth and grace and light there
But no pressure

All that she wants me to be
Is here beside her and happy –
And I’d give her the earth, the sea,
The starry skies and yes the moon

And every little slight is dissolved
In her arms each night
And I find warmth and grace and light there
But no pressure

There’s no place to hang a moon here
Cracking paint and peeling paper
And there’s no place to write a song here
But I’ll try
And there’s no place to stash the stars here
Come high tide we’ll flood the neighbors
And I can’t give her this whole world now
But I’ll try

She’s all I know but I don’t say
It wouldn’t matter anyway
She knows I know what’s what – and hey
She thinks I hung the moon

And every little slight is dissolved
In her arms each night
And I find warmth and grace and light there
But no pressure

And every single sin
Proclaims what kind of shape I’m in
And Lord knows how a man can grin
With all this pressure

J. Thorp
25 Feb 2008

A Spot of Fiction: Church-Going

Blogger’s Note: I started this story some time ago, then forgot about it. Just found it again tonight. I’ve loved Jodi’s home state since the first summer I spent in Wall, but whether this story could be worth something, I dunno. Jinglebob? Anyone? I don’t know where it’s headed for sure, but is it worth pursuing?

We hadn’t been married more than a few months when the old man died. I don’t say “the old man” disparagingly — the whole family called him that, with a note of respect, while he was alive. Jenny’s grandfather had been a small, quietly pious man, the son of German Catholic immigrants — not the sort of man you picture taming the broad expanses of the western Great Plains, but, more often than not, exactly the sort you find.

Arnold Schraeder was no cowboy — he herded his cattle with a grain bucket and a stick, not a horse and a rope. The boy Arnold caught bullheads in the crick that snaked through the east pasture, and snared jackrabbits in the swale north of the little three-room house his father had built from the only construction material in abundance east of the Missouri River breaks — sod. As a young man, he cut and turned that same thick sod with steel single-bottom plow behind two massive, plodding oxen, shirtless and shoeless, in his father’s old breaches too long for his short legs and too wide for his slight frame. A set of narrow suspenders kept them up, and his mother laughed and called him “a strapping young fellow.” She conversed like a native speaker in both English and German, and could sing in Latin. His father spoke English like an Indian, and knew nearly as many words in Lakota. Herman Schraeder was reticent, gruff and loving in his way — which was to give presents whenever he could. Hard candy, a harmonica, a tortoise-shell comb, dark chocolates — he was clever with what little money they had, and had a knack for getting things even in those remote surroundings.

Herman and Susanna missed church only in the very worst winter weather — when the snow blew in too deep for the cart, they walked the two miles. St. Joseph the Worker stood atop a windy hill to the west of the Schraeder place: eight short pews beneath a tiny whitewashed steeple, with a small cast iron cross above the altar and hard wooden kneelers. The family had its regular pew and its kneelers bore the marks of Herman’s faith — two shallow impressions worn smooth and polished white by prayerful knees. The wood, like the church, provided the old farmer with what he expected — humility, grace and some small measure of forgiveness. He believed he deserved nothing more.

Herman was buried four years when the local population jumped to ten families, then a dozen. The diocese authorized the construction of a new church, and Arnold (who, between morning and evening chores, swung his hammer with the rest of the men in the parish) brought the well-worn kneeler home and affixed it to the foot of his bed. The next winter, when he knelt in his skivvies to offer thank to God for his young bride, she knelt beside him, took his hand and smiled.

“It’s as Tobia and Sarah did,” she said. “‘They said together, ‘Amen, amen,” and went to bed for the night.’”

He squeezed her hand without looking away from the crucifix above the bed. She took the squeeze as affirmation, and said her own prayer of thanks for a man who knew even the lesser books of the Bible, chapter and verse. She said the Lord’s Prayer, watching him from the corner of her eye. He prayed with such urgency!

In the coming weeks Lillian Schraeder learned two things about her new husband’s faith: that although he was church-going man, he was no scholar of scripture — and that she had been his first, too.

* * * * *

Lilly was twelve years gone when Arnold passed. That second church was gone, too, or rather, converted to secular use as the favored watering hole of the younger generation of farmhands. The Mission Bar served as sanctuary and confessional for young men and women too broke to leave town and too bored to stay home. That it was somewhat seedier than the other local dives is perhaps not that surprising — considering that the owner had no qualms about converting a house of worship into a bar …

Fear of Falling Funny, Too!

Blogger’s Note: A friend recently wrote a blog post on the humor he finds in people falling down. It was not a mean-spirited piece, and inspired a lengthy comment from me. I enjoyed writing the comment enough that I decided to post it here. You can find his post at Future Priests of the Third Millenium.

I say without any ego that I rarely fall down. It is not due to natural grace in any typical sense of the notion, but rather a steadfast determination (born of years as a lesser wrestler) not to go down.

As a result, with me you see:

The Slip-Stop, in which every second or third step results in loss of footing with one foot and quick regaining with the other, like a dance with no rhythm.

The Windmill-Stomp, in which I miss a step, catch a toe, or otherwise find myself falling rapidly forward and windmilling both arms while throwing my size 13s out in front of me in grim determination to stay vertical.

The Finger-Tipper, in which my gyrations bring me close enough to falling that the fingertips of one hand are all that stands between me and utter sprawl.

The Corkscrew, in which I wind up vertical but off-center, facing some other direction that the one from which I started, and with various parts strewn about me.*

All of these can be immensely entertaining to watch, as well, judging from the response of frequent audience members such as my wife and children. And they are increasingly painful — the Windmill Stomp and Corkscrew, in particular, tend to result in pulled muscles in my neck, back and hamstrings.

I do actually hit the ground every so often. Generally it’s a Slip-Stop transformed into a reverse Windmill Stomp — much more difficult to execute backwards, especially with a Slip-Stop already underway.

When this happens, I generally pretend to make snow angels while I search the sky for my lost wind …
—–
*Like a NASCAR crash, shedding parts dissipates much of the energy your body might otherwise absorb on impact …

Two Lenten Poems

wastelines
it’s lent, which means no
meat on fridays. that’s alright though; see
there’s fish on fridays in the school gymnasium.
friday’s fry day, get it? an entire catholic school of fish —
i could go on, but why waste words in this season of sacrifice?
lent is no time for excess. we feast on fillets and dinner rolls and
pies and cakes, unless we’ve sworn these things away, or sometimes
despite. we should be fasting, right? to show solidarity with each other
and with Christ, who spent forty days in the desert with
the devil, as though it weren’t already hot enough.
that’s the idea, isn’t it? the man took nails for us,
thorns, jeers, spittle, and for six weeks we stop
buttering our bread except on sundays.
he died; we live lent like broken
resolutions looking to lose
weight when what we
seek is significance —
we fast to gain.

j. thorp
18 feb 02

—–

Christ Child
We are seated at the station in which
a man holds Jesus by the shoulders
while another swings the sledge.
I can see the gears are turning —
are they the bad men? why should they
do this? He would tell them to be
nice and they would listen, like the
ones who flew the planes and broke
the buildings. He would go to their
homes; knock on their doors, and say,
“Be nice,” and he would not
complain the whole trip he says.
Behind the altar Christ is risen, but
in our home he bleeds — a splintered
tree; a humbled God. The procession
passes. He sees what we see —
the cross, the Christ, his arms spread
wide — and more deeply. Softly he
prophesies, “Jesus has wings!” and
His vision is revealed.

J. Thorp
06 Jan 02

Poem, a Day Late …

I’ve never really liked the weeks of winter post-Groundhog’s Day, with their slow cycles of thaw and freeze, and a winter’s-worth of detritus emerging, spoiled and soggy, from the graying snow, only to be frozen again in place. Blech.

But Tuesday before Lent some years ago, I spied a crow pecking at the scant remains of some unfortunate road-kill, and it tweaked my thinking a bit …

—–

Fat Tuesday
Why should the robin be the harbinger of Spring?
Why watch for flowers?
The tulip and the thrush borrow beauty from the sun;
tug their strength up from the dark earth.
Stronger still, and darker, is the crow.
Songbirds ride the North Wind south;
flowers hang their heads and retreat beneath the snow.
The crow remains.
Feathers ruffed, dark eye glaring sidelong, he stoops;
picks bits of hide and hair from the cold pavement.
A lean meal this Christmas, but Easter comes,
and Nature’s bounty blooming black from the snow.
A stiffened ear; the rack and ripe entrails —
the crow consumes all, makes ready the house for the Master’s arrival.

He waits, black as the cloth, preaching his monosyllable, fasting.

J. Thorp
27 Feb 01

—–

I meant to post this yesterday, of course, but lost track of what week it was. Sad, really, when you think about it. No paczkis this year, either!