suffering

Wednesday Witness: Hard Choices

/ J. Thorp / Leave a comment

The coldest I have ever been was during a late-season, black-powder deer hunt. I was sitting atop a ladder stand in the dark in January. The morning was bitterly cold following a storm that dropped more than two feet of fluffy snow, leaving clear skies and wind in its wake.

I had dressed for a long, cold sit while a friend attempted to push deer toward me from the other side of the section. I had not dressed for the half-mile march through knee-deep snow and buried brush that preceded my climbing the stand. By the time I was settled, I was also sweating, and once I was stationary, I shivered beneath my layers.

Even after sunrise, the air was frigid. My fingers ached as I held my rifle, and I clenched and unclenched my toes inside my boots, trying to maintain some semblance of feeling. (It was weeks before they lost the pin-prickly feeling from that morning.)

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Wednesday Witness: Charity by the Numbers

/ J. Thorp / Leave a comment

You’ve all heard the adage, “Bad things come in threes.” It seems to play out time and again—one thing leads to another and another. Of course, once the seed is planted, we look for three, and when we identify the third event, we restart the counter. Sure enough, three more catastrophes are coming if we wait long enough.

But I can’t dismiss the old wisdom entirely. In my time working with the Society of St. Vincent de Paul, I have yet to encounter a neighbor who wasn’t juggling multiple problems—a cluster of issues snowballing into a crisis.

Sometimes it’s bad luck. Sometimes, poor planning. Sometimes it’s a series of personal choices we wish they could take back. Sometimes it’s systemic—problems often seem to progress faster than solutions. And sometimes it’s generational poverty, addiction, and sin taking its toll, rippling out to touch everyone in an ever-widening circle.

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Wednesday Witness: ‘You Can’t Save the World’

/ J. Thorp / Leave a comment

This column is part of a new, weekly series on what the Lord is doing in my heart, specifically encouraging me to simplify my own life in order practice the virtue of charity and the Corporal and Spiritual Works of Mercy. Come back each Wednesday to read the latest!

I’ve always been a big-hearted and emotional fellow. As a grade-schooler, I tried to intervene when those who were littler than me (not many) were being bullied. Invariably, I took a thumping myself. But I couldn’t help it: I hurt to see others hurt.

Whenever I got wound up about some injustice or suffering, real or imaginary, Dad would say, “You can’t save the world.”

What he taught me, instead, was how to stand up for myself, to treat others with respect, and to look out for my own—my family and close friends, those whom I could count on to help take care of me.

Dad was right: I can’t save the world. I can’t even save myself. Jesus is the sole Savior of the world, and—thanks be to God—it is accomplished (John 19:30).

But I don’t think our eternal salvation is what Dad meant.

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Transformed or Transmitted?

/ J. Thorp / Leave a comment

This post appeared in the Sunday, July 21, 2024, edition of the St. Michael Catholic Church bulletin.

A couple weeks ago, I shared a short reflection on the Healing the Whole Person study I was blessed to be a part of in June. (Another one is starting up next week; see the bulletin or Father’s weekly email for details.) The gist of that column was the freedom I received to look squarely at my past and admit that everything wasn’t sunshine and daisies, then to seek the Lord’s healing for even the little ways in which I have been wounded.

Healing is not only important for our own sake. The Lord desires joy, not just for us, but for all those we encounter—and as the old saying goes, “Hurt people hurt people.”

Throughout the study, Dr. Bob Schuchts and Sister Miriam James Heidland, SOLT, reiterate that suffering that is not transformed is transmitted. The desire to avoid suffering ourselves is so strong that, when we encounter past or present pain, we instinctively pass it on—through blame and bitterness, anger and control, habitual sin, you name it.

But, if we are thoughtful and intentional, we can learn to confront pain and choose to bring it to the Lord instead of dumping it on our spouses or kids, family or friends. This is redemptive suffering—suffering in the right way, self-sacrificially, like Jesus.

I have long understood redemptive suffering in concept, but, to be honest, that understanding didn’t seem to help much:

  • St. Paul tells us, “Now I rejoice in my sufferings for your sake, and in my flesh I am filling up what is lacking in the afflictions of Christ on behalf of his body, which is the church” (Colossians 1:24).
  • What is lacking in the suffering of Jesus? Nothing, of course—His sacrifice was complete and perfect, once for all.
  • Jesus does not need our help, but He desires our cooperation. As St. John Paul II wrote, “Those who share in the sufferings of Christ preserve in their own sufferings a very special particle of the infinite treasure of the world’s Redemption, and can share this treasure with others” (Salvifici Doloris, 27).
  • This is a beautiful idea, but suffering well is hard work, and, really, I’d rather not.

But the idea of not passing my suffering on to those I love really struck me. Hard work is easier to do when you understand the why of it. Here’s how I break it down:

  • Suffering is a result of sin and the Fall. Jesus redeems us by taking the sins and suffering of the world, past, present, and future. His sacrifice lacks nothing, and through it, God’s perfect love and perfect justice are both sustained.
  • If Jesus takes on all the sin and suffering, then he takes on my sin and suffering, as well as that of my bride. Nothing I can do can add to or subtract from His saving act. And yet…
  • If I choose to avoid suffering and pass it on to Jodi, she suffers. In a sense, I haven’t increased the suffering in the world—I’ve just passed it on. But in another sense, I have increased the suffering, at least, for Jodi.
  • Jesus has already handled all of it—praise God! But I can also choose to say, “My suffering ends with me.” I can resist the urge to avoid the pain and pass it on. I can, like Jesus, carry my own cross and love sacrificially so Jodi (or my kids, neighbors, or enemies) don’t suffer in my stead. Now redemptive suffering makes sense!

I shared this line of thinking with my confessor, and he added an important caveat: Jesus didn’t bear His burden alone. He offered His sacrifice to His heavenly Father, leaning on the Father for strength and guidance. If we say, “My suffering stops with me,” but then hold on to it and let it accumulate, sooner or later it will become too much to bear.

Redemptive suffering, it seems to me, is suffering transformed by love—the loving act each of us performs by not passing our pain on to others and the healing love of God who turns every sacrifice to grace, joy, and peace. Let us pray, today and always, to carry our own crosses with God’s help, so that those we love may know His sacrificial love through us. Amen.

Handled or Healed?

/ J. Thorp / Leave a comment

This spring I shared about a homily we heard from Father Columba Jordan, CFR, while visiting Gabe and his fellow postulants in Harlem. Father Columba asked if we were handing our problems over to the Lord or squeezing Him like a stress ball while we tried to handle them ourselves. Surrender is more than admitting we need help or even asking for help—it means relinquishing control and receiving His help, in whatever form it comes.

Fast-forward to this month: After years of talking about it, Jodi and I decided to work on our marriage together by participating in the Healing the Whole Person study at the church this summer. By most measures, our marriage is healthy and strong, but anyone who has spent decades living with the same person can point to areas in need of healing: issues that consistently cause anxiety or anger, conversations that invariably go sideways, little things that drive us crazy in disproportionately big ways. And we don’t want to settle for that.

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