On Easter Sunday, we were blessed to talk with Brother Jude. Brother Jude is our second son, Gabe, who is now a novice with the Community of Franciscan Friars of the Renewal (CFRs) in Newark, New Jersey.

From the outside, the novitiate year seems very focused on spiritual growth, detachment, and obedience. Aside from occasional letters, Brother Jude’s contact with his immediate family is strictly limited and with everyone else, non-existent. He spends a great deal of time in prayer and formation, and he does very little without first getting permission from his superiors. This was our first conversation since Christmas and our last until Jodi’s birthday in July.

As you can imagine, it was good to hear his voice. He seems very recollected and peaceful, and I told him so.

“I am, most of the time,” he said. “At least, I try to be.”

We catch each other up on the news and our Easter celebration, then I ask him about his Lent. Our impression last year, when he was a postulant, was that the friars observe a fairly stringent fast during Lent and Advent, which he was not subject to at that time.

His response caught (and kept) my attention. As I understand it, the novices were instructed to observe the friars’ fast—nothing less, but also nothing more. Brother Jude said that practicing restraint in both directions was great for developing temperance and learning not only to fast well but also to feast well.

Now that it’s Easter, he said, it would be easy to get up for brunch and see all the goodies and go all-in, because “It’s a feast day; why not?” But learning to feast well means recognizing that, although there is plenty of good food for everyone at brunch, his brother friars are also working on a wonderful dinner for him to enjoy in a few hours.

What better way to honor their efforts than to save room?

I grew up in a “clean your plate” family, where a good appetite was a sign of health and manhood. Now, late in life, it’s no secret that I eat too much, and it’s difficult to overcome my lifelong love affair with food. Temperance has always been a struggle for me.

Often people define temperance as “moderation in all things,” but listening to Brother Jude, a more precise definition comes to mind: Keeping all things properly ordered. Love God above all; love your neighbor as yourself. Love people; use things.

However you frame it, love of food doesn’t rate. Food is a means, not an end. So perhaps this Easter I can learn from the friars, feasting less on food and drink, and focusing instead on loving the God who provides and the hands and hearts who prepare it. There is no need to moderate that!