Trevisms

Blogger’s Note: I know, I know: Facebook reruns = cheating. Sue me.

Five-year-old Trevor has been on a role. On Saturday he informed me that, because we are part of one family, we love each other but are not friends.

“Why do you think family members can’t be friends?” I ask.

“Because,” he says. “I just know.”

I press him further. “Dad, I’m serious!” he says. “We can’t be friends!”

I make a sad face and quit talking. “OK, we can be friends,” he said.

“What makes you think so now?” I asked.

“Because you made a really sad face!”

But then later I revisit the issue, after Mom has come home. “For the thousandth time,” he says, exasperated, “we can’t be friends.”

He’s remarkably clear and consistent about the rules how they are applied. Siblings cannot be friends. Parents and children cannot be friends. Spouses cease being friends as soon as they marry. However, you can be friends with your in-laws. Aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces, nephews, godparents, godchildren and “honorary” relatives (close friends to whom you give familial titles) can be friends. And of course, grandparents and grandchildren can be friends.

Give him specific names or situations, and he displays the wisdom of Solomon. For the thousandth time … he’s serious!

On Sunday, we woke to hear Gabe’s random silliness and Trevvy’s belly laughs in the next room. Who knew that acting things out in slow-motion and fast-forward could be so much fun? Later in the day, Trevor offered to show us what they had been doing before they turned in for the night, in “slo-mo, fast-mo and medium-mo.”

“We’ll do medium-mo first,” he said, “‘cuz that’s regular speed.”

Then late this morning, Trevor asked what we would have for lunch. I told him I was thinking about eating him for lunch.

“Aaaiiggh!” he said. “I don’t want to die alive!”

“I didn’t even think that was possible, ” I said. “I thought people usually died dead.”

“Dad,” he said in a tone that suggests I’m impossibly dense, “If you died dead, you would have to die a second life.”

Blogger’s Addendum: Just now, while seated on Jodi’s lap, Trevor backside rumbled audibly. “Hey!” said Jodi, and Trevvy began to laugh. Not three seconds later, the smell hit them both in a wave. “HEY!” yelled Jodi, grimacing, and Trevor sprinted away from her, holding his nose and laughing. When Jodi attempte to leave the area, Trevor went back to where they had been seated and began to fan his hands in her direction saying, “Here comes some good-ee!”

Autumn Recalls Octobers Past

Blogger’s Note: This originally ran as a column in Tuesday, October 7, 1997, edition of The Pioneer daily newspaper, Big Rapids, Michigan. This week, the boys have their bows out, and I’m protesting the snow today by blogging about the autumns I miss.

October! and the trees are turning red, gold and topaz. Already cool breezes tug loose the gaudy vestments and scatter them in piles ’round the ankles of tall aspen and unsuspecting maples. The sumac, embarrassed, has blushed deep red — overnight, it seems.

Only the oak maintains its dignity — its greenery turns drab brown and rustles almost the entire winter through. Only after many long nights and cold days, when the first breath of spring tickles the topmost oak leaves, does the stoic tree shake loose its crumpled hood and prepare for new leaves and sunshine.

Used to be this time of year, just about the time my feet had learned the flagstone path to my morning classes and my digestive tract had readjusted to browning lettuce and red meat substitutes, I’d catch October on the wind. A good nose — a nose hunting autumn — could pick it out, somewhere above the stench of diesel exhaust fumes and ginkgo berries. (Ginkgo trees, so I’m told, filter pollutants out of the air and drop them to the ground in these concentrated flesh-colored packets, which, when stepped on, make you wonder who brought the dog and forgot the scoop. Popular with cities; not so much with pedestrians.)

Acorns! The smell must’ve blown in from East Rock, because squirrels in the city ate pizza crust and stale bagels. And the crisp smell of dry leaves tripping over the wind and each other, and I’d be halfway home and in the woods, hunting deer with bow and arrow …

In a city like New Haven, at a school like Yale, where every meal featured a vegetarian entree and people could say things like “turkey bacon” and not stumble over the contradiction, hunting was foreign to many students. The idea of climbing a tree to ambush a deer with a bow, a half-dozen arrows and a skinning knife was both terrible and fascinating … it also earned you a wider path down down a crowded sidewalk.

Even students who enjoyed red meat often found the idea of killing a wild animal appalling.

“How can you kill an animal and then eat it?” the would ask.

“How can you eat an animal and not kill it?” I’d respond, but they do not want to know what comes before the pink foam tray and cellophane.

At Yale it was always death that took the spotlight. It makes sense, I suppose, in a land where guns are used to shoot people and (sometimes) paper targets.

Looking back at past dining hall discussions to Octobers spent hunting, it seems the focus was never death, but the wide variety of life.

I remember piling into Dad’s rusty blue pickup in the wee-hours before dawn, feeling my way up the tree to my stand, and strapping myself in and dozing as the cold seeped through my coveralls. I remember starting when an owl a few short yards away and invisible in the darkness questioned my presence in the tree. I remember the stars fading, the breakfast arguments of ducks in the swamp around me. Somewhere a splash — a beaver slaps its warning on the surface of the water. Then footsteps.

Crunch.

Eyes strain into the grey light. Stumps stop short and stare back; ferns move like deer at the farthest edge of sight.

Crunch.

It’s right behind me, but I don’t dare look.

Crunch. Crunch.

It’s a red squirrel, moving one hop at a time through the dry leaves beneath the tree.

I relax, exhale, and I’m spotted; he chatters the news to the entire section.

I remember sitting in the treetops with chickadees flitting about my hat, thinking back on my beagle, Ranger, and Dad’s old red ‘coon hound, Jack. I remember porcupines and hawks and my kindergarten teacher walking her dog past my tree. I remember watching two bucks square off beneath my tree, and shooting at and cleanly missing both of them. I remember other deer, as well, and I remember, in six years of active bow hunting, never taking one.

In fact, in all my years of hunting, I have taken only one deer, and have fingers enough to count the number of partridge, rabbit and squirrel I’ve harvested. What I’ve brought to the table, instead, are stories and memories of animals quicker and more clever than me. If the the thrill was in the killing, I’d have quit a long time ago. Instead, I’ve at last come home to October’s breezes and the chance to return to the woods. And I can hardly wait.

Some Things Never Change

The laugh’s on me:
this year’s man
is last year’s man.”
—Ching An

Today was the first real day of autumn, in my opinion. Yesterday was blustery—windy, damp and grey—but that happens year-round in the Midwest. Today, however, dawned almost crisp—chilly enough to watch your breath curl in the sunlight, and dry enough by midmorning that a walk across campus sent the first yellow leaves skittering from underfoot as I went.

Those who know me know I love this time of year best … so why did I greet autumn with a touch of melancholy?

This summer marked the busiest on record for the Thorp clan. We traveled east and west to see family and friends, we played baseball and soccer, we volunteered, we practiced and performed tai chi, we celebrated and mourned with friends, we closed and liquidated a day care, we freelanced, and we did our jobs. We worked and we played. And occasionally, we slept.

What I didn’t do was write—or at least, not the things I hoped to. I wrote speeches and papers, and I’m mostly done with an article for the Journal of Asian Martial Arts. But my book stagnates, my fiction blog is just a shell, and this … well, you can look to the margin to see how much I blogged.

The truth is, with so many priorities, we scrambled through the summer just getting the day’s “musts” taken care of. When everything is a priority, nothing is.

I’m overextended, but what else is new? I always overcommit, always underestimate the time involved, and never, ever accomplish everything I’d like to. I know this about myself and can’t seem to compensate. This year’s man is last year’s man. Some things never change.

Trevvy, King of Beasts

Trevor likes gorillas. He likes to act like a gorilla. The great ape may be his favorite animal, in fact.

So the other morning, over breakfast, Trevor abruptly announces, “Y’know how the lion is the king of the jungle? I think the gorilla should be. Because all he would have to do is pick up the lion like this,” — and here he mimes picking up something with a tightly clenched fist — “and PKEHHUUWWH!” — and here he throws a hard punch with his other fist, accompanied by a sound effect somewhere between a gunshot and a bowler’s strike.

Everybody laughs. “Trevvy,” I say, “when you said, ‘pick up the lion like this,’ what exactly did you mean?”

“I meant like when an animal picks up a baby animal by the back of the neck,” he says matter-of-factly.

“Just wanted to be clear,” I said.

That’s quite a gorilla.

Always Darkest Before the Dawn

We got a letter from Albertville Primary (and his teacher, the mysteriously named “New Hire”) informing us that he will have be in the morning half-day group.

“Trevvy,” said Jodi, “that means you’ll get to ride to school with Brendan and Gabe and Emma!”

Trevor looked concerned and a little sad. “But Mom,” he said. “I like to get up in real morning.”

“What do you mean by real morning?” asked Jodi.

You know,” he said. “Like, when the sun’s already up!”