marriage

LIFT Links: On Christmas, Mentoring, and Chastity

/ J. Thorp / Leave a comment

Blogger’s Note: In an effort to help friends find great Catholic content that supports them in the practice of their faith, periodically I’ll be sharing articles, websites, books, and other resources that may be of interest.

  • This Christmas, Strive to Look Good on Wood. It’s a bit poetic, but this reflection on the scandal of God coming down to be born in a feed trough and die on a cross is worth a slow read in a comfortable chair. Oh, how He loves us!
  • Sticks and Stones? Those Catholic Men reflect on how important it is for mentors (from fathers to teachers, coaches to catechists) to be thoughtful in their words. I know I’ve been one to snarl, “Man up!” from time to time myself…but how beautiful the words of God: This is my beloved son, in whom I am well pleased!
  • Chastity Is For Lovers. A columnist for the National Catholic Register reviews a book with an important message, not just for young adults, but for old married couples as well. I can speak to this from my own conversion after 11 years of marriage (most of them as a practicing Catholic): marriage does not do away with the need for chastity. Indeed it is essential to happiness in married life!

    Book Break, Feast of the Archangels Edition: Tobit’s Dog

    / J. Thorp / Leave a comment

    For those of you who recall our wedding (or those who have heard Jodi and me speak at the engaged couples retreats around these parts), you may remember that the only detail I was specific about in the ceremony was the Old Testament reading, from the Book of Tobit, Chapter 8, verses 4-8. The back story, about the faithful but afflicted Tobit, his son Tobiah, a long-lost kinsman, and a cursed young bride, is retold in the novel Tobit’s Dog by Michael N. Richard.

    Richard re-sets this ancient story as a mystery of sorts, set in the rural South during the Depression, and opens with a vignette of the titular canine visiting a local dump with his master, who is looking for discarded furniture to repair and sell. The dog is torn between the lure of his senses and the love of his master, but ultimately, chooses to follow and obey and is rewarded for it. It’s a compelling analogy to our relationship with God — but I was nervous: if the entire book were written in this way, it could be heavy-handed.

    Thankfully, it isn’t. Instead, the opening scene sets the theme for the rest of the book, in which all of the major characters are conflicted in some way and are either moving toward their Master or further away.

    Though the story is told in an easy and often humorous style, the subject matter is dark — the apparent mutilation and lynching of a teenage boy, rape and racism, and a tragic family cycle of alcoholism and abuse all figure into the tale, as does spiritual warfare as conducted by the old man’s unusual dog and a talented and world-wise traveling musician who may be Tobit’s cousin but doesn’t seem to be from “around here.”

    It is a Catholic book, featuring Catholic characters living their Catholic faith, but you don’t have to be Catholic, or even Christian, to follow the tale or enjoy it — and in fact, nearly all of the characters find themselves questioning their faith and why bad things happen to good folks. As a bonus, for those who know the Book of Tobit or the three archangels named in Scripture and celebrated today, there is a strong connection between the book and today’s feast — but that’s probably more fun to uncover after the fact. As for the novel, I recommend it highly!

    For Jodi: An Anniversary Poem

    / J. Thorp / 5 Comments
    The two of us.

    Seventeen years ago today, I promised my life to my bride. I do not say I married my best friend, though I may have thought so at the time and though it is certainly true today. We were young and barely knew ourselves, let alone each other.

    In truth, I married my greatest challenge — as I have said before, “the rock, the glue, and the guide.” What we glimpsed during those first three summers in South Dakota was an unseen hand and an unimagined plan for us. Thank you, Jodi, for trusting Him, and teaching me to trust.

    genesis

    you were the word unspoken, love

    the gift yet to bequeath

    when light first pierced my darkness and

    revealed the void beneath

     

    i was an unformed wastrel then

    a breath of dust, alone

    you were a shaping vision, love

    and carved from solid bone

     

    you were a moving stillness, love

    my unknown missing peace

    a heartstring tug that drew me near

    my bond and my release

     

    i was a crash of water then

    and you the softest stone

    i broke myself upon you, love

    and you returned me home

    Birthday Mix-Tape

    / J. Thorp / Leave a comment

    It’s my bride’s birthday today, and I thought I resurrect an old tradition of sorts and give her an online version of a birthday mix tape. Now, back in the day, mix tapes were great for a couple reasons:

    • First, when you’re short on dough, a blank Maxell is downright affordable.
    • Second, when you and your gal have vastly different tastes in music, a well-chosen mix can ensure that the next time you’re in the car together, you’ll both enjoy the tunes — you because they’re yours, and she, because they were hand-picked and “mean something.”
    Can you feel the love? This is more of an EP, but nevertheless — here goes. (Sorry about the ads and redirects.)
    “Dead Leaves and the Dirty Ground” by The White Stripes



    First off, The White Stripes are the one band the whole family agrees on. Secondly, this was the first song we ever heard of theirs. Third, lines like the opening: Dead leaves and the dirty ground when I know you’re not around/Shiny tops and soda pops when I hear your lips make a sound…

    * * * * *

    “I Will Wait” by Mumford and Sons

    Now I’ll be bold 
    As well as strong 
    And use my head alongside my heart 
    So tame my flesh 
    And fix my eyes 
    A tethered mind freed from the lies 

    Enough said…


    * * * * *
    “New State of Mind” by Matt Maher


    She is alot like grace. And mercy. Next to you I’m more than alright…

    * * * * *
    “Before My Time” by Johnny Cash

    This says it all, in Johnny Cash’s baritone. Plus, beer is mentioned, and dusty books.  Better even than “Grow Old With You.”

    * * * * *

    Happy birthday, love — here’s to many, many more years together!

    Fiesta for Jodi

    / J. Thorp / 3 Comments
    My bride, looking pleased;
    she also got chocolate…

    Those of you who know my bride know she spends herself for others. She generally does not express anger, disapproval, discomfort, or exhaustion. She does her level best to anticipate the needs of others and to avoid being the cause of conflict. So foreign is her approach to me that the majority of the tensions between the two of us are the result of me projecting my own tendencies and motives onto her actions in a misguided attempt to understand her. I look at her and assume she’s like me – and apparently, I don’t always get along with me or like the way I think.

    Two other things about Jodi:

    • Since she was a little girl, she has tried not to be a burden to others. As a result, once she asked her parents not to spend money on Christmas presents for her. Also, she recalls a death in the family when she was young, in which she was asked to be strong for her grieving relatives. She only rarely cried from that day forward, and her stoicism and general toughness (plus her origins on the plains of South Dakota) earned her the nickname Injun Jo from an elderly (and un-PC) friend of the family.
    • She is conservative in dress, but loves a colorful home. Our bedding gets more colorful year by year, our kitchen features colorful artwork, and she likes fun, brightly colored dishes and cookware.
    She’s seeing a pattern!

    When we first married, I worked in the housewares department of Younkers department store in Sioux Falls, and Jodi would visit the department to browse.  Seventeen years ago she began looking at Fiestaware dishes, drawn to them by the soft, bright colors: tangerine, lemongrass, peacock, sunflower, flamingo, and turquoise. Since she rarely buys anything for herself (and when she does, it’s on the cheap), we’ve used discount, cream-colored stoneware dishes for years now. Periodically, however, she would talk about how much fun it would be to have a mismatched set of Fiesta dishes – all different colors – to brighten up the kitchen and mealtime.

    Jodi will turn an unmentionable age next weekend, so after 17 years of browsing and daydreaming, I decided it was time to act. A couple weekends ago, I planned a party for her. I invited family from Minnesota, Michigan, and South Dakota, and some friends from the area. It was a not-quite-surprise party – in order to pick and hold a date on our busy calendar, I had to let her know something was up, so I told her I was having some friends over for her birthday, and that was the weekend that worked best. I told her the kids and I would take care of everything.

    I conspired with Jodi’s mom and sister and mine to buy her eight place settings in different colors, plus extra plates and bowls, then urged those guests who were planning to bring gifts to pick up serving pieces or Kohl’s gift cards that Jodi could use to add to her collection. Large boxes began showing up at our house (as well as money from relatives contributing to the gifts). It turned out better than a surprise party, in that Jodi was for weeks trying to figure out what was going on.

    Big smile, blushing.

    I’ll confess that once the plans were in motion, I became paranoid: what if I misremembered or misinterpreted how much she wanted these dishes? When I worked at Younkers, I would politely steer men away from the kitchen area when seeking gifts for their spouses. What if she was so excited – then crushed at the prospect of…just dishes?

    But when I told the kids of my plan, Rose lit up. “Every time we go to Kohl’s, she walks through the kitchen area and walks past the Fiesta dishes, then walks back to them and looks,” she said.

    A candle per decade? Can’t be!
    C’mon — no boyfriends!

    When people began showing up the day of the party – from South Dakota, Minnesota, and Michigan – Jodi was surprised and delighted. Later in the evening, when we insisted she open her gifts (she didn’t want to interrupt the visiting or to be the center of attention) she was genuinely floored. She opened one package, then another, and began to discern the pattern. Then she blushed, and smiled and smiled.

    Mixed and unmatched

    After 17 years of desire and denial, it was time, don’t you think? I used to call her my “bright side”—it’s about time I found a way to be hers.  Happy birthday, love!