The Second Third, Week 2: Thanksgiving

I spent my first third, from infancy to 35, wanting more. I used to have this card with a terribly grouchy-looking man on it, touting the virtue of dissatisfaction as inspiration and motivation. I used to have a million things I wanted to do, including running for office. I had so much to say, and places to go, and stuff I wanted: new and old stuff; beautiful and functional stuff; all sorts of stuff. But when Thanksgiving rolled around, I was always most thankful for the same handful of blessings, such as Jodi and my children, my parents and my sister, her kids and my in-laws and friends. All the stuff I wanted so badly over the course of the previous year wouldn’t even come to mind.

Over the course of the past summer and fall, we’ve been purging. Even the kids got into the swing of things, getting rid of toys and books, throwing out old drawings and lesser “keepsakes.” When they started asked about an xBox to replace the old PS2, I got them to agree to trade-in the PS2, all the games, controllers, accessories, and most of our PC games, plus put their own money toward the new system (even Trevvy). Jodi and I agreed to pay the balance, but that this would be our Christmas present to the kids this year (even though it was early autumn). They agreed with little hesitation. I hope they’ve begun to realize, too, that having it all is too much.

That may be wishful thinking, and I’m not perfect: on my birthday, Jodi agreed that I “could use” a new pair of brown casual shoes to replace my current, incessantly squeaking (albeit perfectly functional) pair. We went to the shoes store, I found a pair of Doc Martens, tried them on, and bought them. As soon as we got in the car, I felt horrible, and all the way home, I debated taking them back. A week later, after putting them on two or three more times on the carpet, I did just that. And felt good about it.

I’m thankful this year for all the usual things, plus two: the ability to get the stuff we need, or even the stuff we want, sometimes, and the sense to know when enough is enough.

They Call the Trina Bina

So we went through a windy spell a few weeks back, and I made some comment about Mariah singing me to sleep. Then I googled the song, and found the video below. (I hadn’t known where the song came from.)

Then my good friend, Laura of Laura the Crazy Mama fame, commented how much she loves that song, and that her eldest daughter’s middle name is Mariah…which was funny, because everyone calls her eldest daughter Trina Bina. (That’s Treena Beena, in case it’s not clear.) Jodi said as much — “I thought her middle name was Bina” — and, since just a week or so prior (in a beer-weakened moment) Laura’s husband had spilled his guts about how he and Laura met, well, the makings of a song just percolated up real natural-like. With any luck, a super-creative and somewhat musical family like Laura’s brood will record this — maybe even post a video on YouTube.

So with a shout-out to Mamaloco and Trina the Crazy Big Sis (and with apologies to Butch):

They Call the Trina Bina
In Albertville, they’ve got nicknames
For Nielsen sons and daughters.
The Nick is “Bock”; the Lise is “Weez”–
And they call the Trina “Bina”…

Katreenaaaah! Katreenaaaah!
They call Katrina “Bina”…

Ol’ Butch he sat at home that night
When came a knock at his door
Up jumped his friend, and he let in
His girlfriend, yes, and one moooore…

They played at cards, then watched a film,
When out they should be goin’.
He wanted then to punch his friend
But inside love was growin’…

Katreenaaaah! Katreenaaaah!
They call Katrina “Bina”…

He watched her in the mirror and she
Pretended not to mind him.
Her hair she tossed, and he was lost,
Where only God could find him.

From that day on, a family man
Butch was, and a provider
He worked away, and all the day
He dreamt he was beside her.

Katreenaaaah! Katreenaaaah!
They call Katrina “Bina”…

A lovely mama Laura made
But loco as a ferret.
She homeschools, blogs, and often jogs
And Butch must grin and bear it.

They’ve rolled a lucky seven since
Three boys, four lovely ladies—
And nicknames all they always call
From teens right down to babies.

So Matt is Matty; Nicker’s Bock;
There’s Mari and there’s Lina
Tommy’s easy; that one’s Weezy!
And they call the Trina Bina…

Katreenaaaah! Katreenaaaah!
They call Katrina “Bina”…

Katrina! Katreenaaaaaaaaaah!…
Oh, lend some saniteeeeeeee!

The Second Third, Week 1: Pulling My Own Weight

Somewhere around ninth or tenth grade, I took my required high-school health class. Early that first semester, we were asked to set a fitness goal for ourselves. I was one of the small guys on the football team, and a mediocre wrestler, at best, with a large head, skinny build, and little natural athletic talent — so there was plenty of room for physical improvement.

I thought about speed and strength-related goals, like many of my male classmates, but ultimately settled on this: “I want to be able to bike or walk anyplace I want to go, even when I’m in my 70s.”

Or something like that; you get the gist. To be completely honest, I had visions of a family bike trip across the country. Our teacher was also a coach on his way to assistant principal, but even he took notice. This goal was not like a lot of the others. It was extremely long-term, and seemed modest, but as a man of a certain age, he knew this was no small thing.

As a senior, I played varsity football as second-string noseguard. I was about 6-2 and 175 pounds at the end of season, so when wrestling started, I told my coach I was going 189. (Dad told me in 7th grade, when I said I wanted to wrestle, that I always had to wrestle up a weight class — I was forbidden to cut weight, or he would pull me from the team.)

By the mid-point of the season, I weighed 152 pounds, and wrestled 160, 171, and 189, as needed. I was skinny, sure, but had never been in better shape, and had my best (albeit still mediocre) season.

Freshman year at Yale, after several months away from organized sports, I entered an intramural wrestling tournament. I wrestled three shortened periods, won my first match, and went outside to puke in the snow.

The second match was the next day. This time, my opponent had put at least modest effort into his cardio since high school, and it showed. For me, it’s been downhill since.

Today? 6-3 and 235 (on a good day). My bike hung in the garage all spring and summer this year. I road the stationary bike indoors after dark fairly regularly for a few months — but as far as biking anywhere I want to go…well, I can still ride, but we aren’t gonna make time. Especially on the hills.

What’s more: it has begun to bother me that I cannot move my own weight with just my arms. I can do solid pushups, but no pull-ups. From a survival standpoint, this seems like a bad thing. Not that I expect to be in a fight-or-flight situation this week, but then, that’s the point: you never know…

In some ways I was wise as a kid; in some ways, just way less busy and as invincible as only a teenage boy can be. But here in my Second Third, I should be self-sufficient — and that means physically, too. I’ve got work to do.

Order and Disorder

Before I left for Dallas, I mentioned to Jodi that I might try to go to Mass on Sunday at Cathedral Guadalupe.

“That’s one of the nice things about your travel for work,” she said. “You get to see lots of cool churches.”

Well, I didn’t make it to Cathedral for Mass. It was more than a mile from the hotel, and I didn’t know exactly how to get there on foot or what might be between it and me. My Aunt Jackie drove me past it on Sunday night, but that morning, I walked to St. Jude Chapel, instead. I was in Dallas for work, and had quite a bit to do; I figured I could get to St. Jude and back in half the time, and I knew exactly what streets to take, all in the business district, all with sidewalks.

I walked about 10, maybe 15 minutes on mostly empty streets. I could almost count the people I saw on my fingers; would’ve had to use toes, too, for cars, but still. Sunday morning in Dallas was bright, clear, and quiet.

I passed office buildings, weekday lunch spots, a gleaming CVS Pharmacy, and several pubs…and there, across and up the street from a nightclub called Plush, which featured giant, full-body bas-reliefs of well-endowed topless women, was the chapel. I approached the door and hesitated, double-checked the sign. What I could see through the door looked like a tiny Catholic gift shop. I walked in.

It was a tiny Catholic gift shop, primarily stocked with crucifixes and statues, including the pregnant Virgin, a four-foot Pope John Paul II, and St. Judes of every size. Ahead was another set of glass doors, through which I could see the sanctuary. A handful of people were praying the Rosary, which was piped into the gift shop through a loudspeaker.

I entered, dabbed the sponge in the holy water fount, and crossed myself walked to the far side of the sanctuary, genuflected, knelt to pray. Behind the altar, a mosaic Christ in white on a light blue backdrop watched over us; above the altar, Christ crucified; to my right, scores of red electric “candles” with flickering incandescent flames, and a constant procession of worshippers, primary Hispanic, clicking them on, kneeling, crossing, and praying.

I joined the rosary as more worshipers trickled in. When they finished the Joyful Mysteries, I realized that the rosary leaders had been recordings; a pleasant sounding man and women moved directly into the Luminous Mysteries. Some continued to pray, but Mass was about to begin, so I sat.

The priest processed in from the gift shop as the opening hymn played. There were less than 100 people in the church, but they sang and prayed with faith in their voices. The priest was elderly, hunched, almost frail looking, but he ascended the steps just the same and opened with a question (certainly before the opening prayer, possible even before the Sign of the Cross): “Who here has heard of Mother Cabrini? St. Francis Cabrini?”

His voice was loud and friendly, but somewhat indistinct; certain syllables ran together so you had to listen carefully. He told a bit about the saint, and explained that we would say an extra prayer for her intercession along with the prayers of the faithful.

So it went from there. Every so often, he would shift suddenly from the rite of the Mass (is that the word?) into personal asides to draw our attention to particular details or meanings of what we were doing.

A teaching Mass? I wondered.

“…and lead us to what?” he asked, as the congregation dutifully continued, “Everlasting life.”

“Everlasting life,” he said, nodding, smiling out at us. “Wow.”

Just his style? I thought.

The reader approached the lectern, but the old priest remained standing, so she hesitated. He waved her forward, but said, “I wanted to introduce this first reading.” He then offered a brief refresher on the two Jewish kingdoms and the Babylonian exile. Then he sat, and she read.

Psalm. Second reading. The priest rose and read the gospel, but at the point when he should have said, “The Gospel of the Lord” — and without taking a breath or changing inflection — he moved directly in his homily: “This reading is what we call…”

Away to the left, one of the regulars, I presume, looked carefully at the missal to see that he had, in fact, completed the gospel reading for the weekend, then looked around and nodded. A number of other regulars sat. Father hadn’t looked up from the text he was explaining, and slowly, the rest of us caught on and followed suit.

After a few moments, the old priest read the next section of the same gospel chapter in order to expand on it in his homily. When he finished this second section, and again, without missing a beat, he said, “The gospel of the Lord.” The seated congregation dutifully replied, “Thanks be to God.”

Maybe he’s just getting older I decided, but a part of me was getting impatient. At this rate, it could be a long morning.

His homily was intelligent, funny, human and humane, if a little scattered. The Liturgy of the Eucharist came off without a hitch, and Communion was a welcome presence. The congregation sang and prayed. Mass was winding down. I tried to stay present in the chapel, but my mind had begun wandering during the gospel confusion, wondering about the time.: 9:30 Mass…probably 11 by the time we’re done. 11:30 or so by the time I get back to my room and boot up the computer, and the boss’s flight arrives around noon…

“Mass is ended. Go in peace.”

“Thanks be to God.”

I expected an announcement of the recessional, but the priest said, “If you have time, we’ll say an Angelus right now: The Angel of the Lord declared to Mary…”

Mass is ended, I thought. I gotta go.

I genuflected and moved quickly, quietly, along the back toward the door, then out through the gift shop. I started down the sidewalk, feeling guilty for not staying until the priest recessed; justifying it because of my work, then feeling doubly guilty for working on Sunday.

“Wonder what time it is,” I said to no one in particular, and pulled out my phone.

10:19 a.m.

What kind of a time warp… Mass had been 49 minutes. Not even an hour, even with the ad libs. And I had skipped the Angelus.

Halfway back to the hotel, something the old priest has said at the end of his homily returned to me: “Sin is a sign of a disordered life. If you live an ordered life — with God, with your neighbors, with yourself — you will get to heaven.”

And of the two of us, who was more disordered this morning?

Knock-Knock. Housekeeping!

I put the “Privacy” sign up on my door this afternoon because I was working and hadn’t messed the room up enough or used enough towels to require housekeeping. A little after noon, someone quietly slipped a card under the door, basically saying that in order to respect my wishes not to be disturbed, they would be unable to service my room — but that if I needed anything, to please call housekeeping by 3 p.m.

Very nice, right?

So at 2:30 p.m., I’m still working away, and — knock-knock-knock — ‘”Housekeeping?”

Huh?

I start for the door. Knock-knock-knock — ‘”Housekeeping!”

I get to the door, and the voice says to someone else, “Oh, there’s someone here.”

Yup.

I open the door. She has a manager’s nametag and my privacy sign in her hand. “I’m sorry, sir — are you checking out today?”

“Nope. Not until tomorrow.”

“And do you need service for your room?”

“Nope. Everything’s fine.”

“Okay!” she says, and smiles, handing me my privacy sign.

It’s not that my privacy was that important — but what’s the purpose of the sign and note?