family

Good Help Ain’t Hard to Find

/ J. Thorp / 2 Comments

Last summer, for my bride’s birthday, we bought paint. Emma’s room needed some work prior to the arrival of Lily, and Jodi has wanted the bathrooms redone for quite awhile now. Since the upstairs bathroom gets the most traffic (and since most of the changes there were to be cosmetic) we bought paint for Emma’s room and the upstairs bathroom and looked for time to undertake these projects.

Emma and I finally tackled her room this past fall. She helped a lot – but although I knew she liked to paint, I also figured most of her enthusiasm had to do with it being her room and us using paint she picked out.

Lily arrived, then Christmas and New Year’s, and the bathroom remained untouched. We got new towels to coordinate with new Bird’s Egg Blue shade Emma had helped pick for the bathroom, but the walls remained a splotchy, pale sea green. Finally Valentine’s Day rolled around, and Jodi didn’t want anything. I offered to make sure the bathroom was repainted by St. Patrick’s Day. She accepted.

Luckily, last Friday was a day off for me. I asked Emma to help me by taking down the decorations and the shower curtain. She did, then served as my “gofer,” bringing me tools, etc., as I needed them. As we got closer to actually painting, she asked if she could help with that, too.

“Of course you can,” I said. “Thanks for the offer!”

She helped prep the walls for the first coat, helped roll it on, watched me do the brush work around the edges, then went with me to Goodwill and Menards to look for a medicine cabinet. When we returned late in the afternoon, a friend asked her if she wanted to come over and play. She declined.

“I’m helping my dad,” she said.

“Wow, Rosie,” I said, “I didn’t know you liked to paint so much.”

“I do,” she said, “but I also like spending time with you.”

I melted. I know it won’t be like this forever, but still.

The next day, St. Patrick’s Day, we were the first two up. We put on our green t-shirts and listened to Flogging Molly over breakfast, then went back to work. Later Emma and I and Trevor continued our quest for a medicine cabinet – found an over-the-toilet model we had missed at Menard’s, plus an antique mirror at a shop in Elk River. We returned home just in time for Emma to enlist her mom’s guidance in another project all her own: Jodi and I were going out for the evening, and Emma had planned to make the boys a St. Patrick’s Day cake with green frosting and pistachios. She wanted to do it all herself, but want to get it in the oven before we left, just in case.

Here is the result:

Emma did everything herself, including the decorating. (She learned that it pays to let the cake cool a bit more first.) Her three brothers each ate two small pieces that night while Jodi and I were gone; Emma didn’t taste it until Sunday, since she had given up sweets for Lent. She earned two 10s, and a 9 from Trevor, who said the cake was still a little too warm when she served it. Jodi and I thought it was excellent.

Especially since Lily’s arrival, Emma has been a tremendous help, and she is becoming quite the young lady. For her birthday this month, she wants money to save for a Nook or a Kindle so she can read more without lugging books. I’ve had many opportunities to talk with her these past several days, and I also learned:

  • She is not feeling crowded in her room, despite all the baby stuff – and in fact, she thinks that, despite the nine-year age gap, she will always love Lily so much she won’t ever want her own room.
  • She is thinking about the University of Minnesota (because I work there) or the College of St. Benedict (where she is slated to visit for a Young Authors Young Artists program). When she mentioned a Catholic college, I mentioned Wyoming Catholic College, which sounds like my kind of place – now that’s on her list…
  • She, too, knows she won’t want to hang around me forever, which is why she’s doing it now.

Gosh, I love that girl. And good help is right next door!

Lenten Trainwreck, and What May Be Learned From It

/ J. Thorp / 5 Comments
Courtesy of the History of Lamberton, Minnesota, web site
Teach us, good Lord
To serve thee as thou deservest,
To give and not count the cost,
To toil and not seek rest,
To labor and not ask for any reward
Save that of knowing that we try to do your will.
– St. Ignatius of Loyola

We’re nearly three weeks into Lent and thus far it’s been a train wreck of sorts. On one hand, a couple of daily spiritual investments I’m promised to make I have successfully carried through with thus far. On the other hand, every sacrifice I committed to for this Lenten journey I have failed to observe at least once. I suppose it could be construed as a point in my favor that I chose to “give up” aspects of my day and diet that have apparently become compulsive – however, it’s pretty sad that it took Lent to make me realize how habitual my eating and technology usage is, and even sadder that my newfound awareness has yet to translate into consistent action.

On top of these things, in the back of my mind I hear a soft but constant chant: almsgiving, almsgiving, almsgiving… Have I neglected this aspect of Lent? Just posing the question suggests that I have.

Last night I went to the church for brief Knights of Columbus project meeting. While waiting for my collaborator, I listened in as Fr. Meyers answered questions from the Monday night adult catechesis small groups. The first had to do with the icons of the Apostles in our sanctuary, and specifically, the meaning of the positioning and gestures of their hands. Father offered a brief overview of icons and assured everyone that the gestures do have meaning – then, spying me, he said, “In fact, Jim Thorp, who is standing just over there, is being trained to give tours of the church…”

I began to retreat down the stairs, only half in jest.

Jodi and I are a welcome couple, greeting families who are new to our parish at a regular lunch. We are supposed to offer them a tour of the church, but since we’ve never been on one ourselves, I decided to schedule one with a local deacon who knows the art and symbolism in our church very well. Word got out, and now, it appears, I have become a tour guide.

I am overextended, as always – but during Adoration last night, I identified something else in me that needs deeper reflection this Lent: I have become an Unjoyful Giver.

Consider:

  • Each day I have a meeting or evening activities related to the Church or the Knights of Columbus, I have a knot in my stomach all day.
  • I was impatient to learn whether Confirmation classes were cancelled because of the snow last week.
  • I dread running into people who need volunteers, because I dread being asked.
  • I have begged out of a few new commitments lately (after initially saying yes) because I couldn’t give them enough attention.

You may look at that list and say, “Well, maybe you’ve got enough on your plate – you help out plenty, plus you’ve got four involved kids and a new baby. Cut yourself some slack!” And I would be grateful for the vote of confidence, except for the following facts:

  • I am the founding member of our new Catholic brew club, the Bottomless Pint Brewers, and have joined another men’s group.
  • I am considering other new commitments, in part because they involve the possibility of modest compensation.
  • And upon further reflection, I did not mind the idea of conducting periodic church tours.

The truth is, I want to do what I want to do. I’ll make time for the stuff I enjoy, and the rest I find myself trying to avoid. Also, I pay only lip service to discernment. Aside from the rare weak moment when someone catches me totally off-guard, when I’m asked to volunteer, I generally tell people I’ll prayerfully consider it. In my case, “I’ll pray on it” usually means “I’ll pray around it.” Last night I came to realize that saying a prayer and then considering is not the same as prayerfully considering. I have not been asking what God wants me to do – how He wants me deployed. As a result, I’ve said Yes to things I shouldn’t have, and have become bitter about things I want to do but don’t have time to do well. And I’ve probably declined opportunities I should have leapt at, as well.

Indeed, this is part of the problem with my Lent thus far – I did not delve deeply into what God wanted from me, or think through what it would require. I ran headlong into Lent without looking, without prayerfully considering, without sufficiently preparing. I was looking back over my shoulder to see who was in pursuit, and smacked headlong into Ash Wednesday. I’m still recovering, I think.

Right now, I can think of no worse feeling than doing a half-assed job for God – and the latest edition of “Columbia” magazine gave me some insight into why. See, God doesn’t just love us – He isn’t merely a love-ing God. He is love – all love – it’s his very nature and being. Now, think of how you felt as a child (or even now) when you disappoint someone. If you’re like me, your agony over letting them down is often in direct proportion to how much you know that they love you. For example, if a stranger says he is disappointed in you, that will have less of an effect than if a teacher says it, and the teacher will have less of an effect than a dear parent, grandparent, aunt or uncle.

Now multiply that times a billion.

When you contemplate God as limitless, life-giving love, you realize there can be only one response in return: joyful reciprocation. And then, if you’re me, you realize how far short of that ideal you fall every day, not only in the community and at church, but especially at home, with those you try to love, and who do their level best to love you back.

It is my hope that I can make myself slow down and ask, in the solitude of my own heart, where I am supposed to be, and that I can be still and silent enough to hear the reply. Genuinely prayerful consideration of my strengths and weaknesses, as well as where God wants me to be, should lead me in a new direction, in which I become a Joyful Giver, glad to serve, even when it’s difficult, because I know I’m doing the will of the One who sent me. To that end, I hope to make the prayer at the top of this post a daily reminder. Amen?

Rude Awakening

/ J. Thorp / 2 Comments

Over the past eight weeks, I have lost my heart to our family’s new addition. I love to hold her, feed her, even change her diapers (of course, these early scentless messes are the easiest). Perhaps it’s because we’ve waited so long (seven years!) to have another, or perhaps it’s because we know now that there are no guarantees, but I cling to little Lily and rejoice. She can do no wrong.

So last night, after the elder four had turned in and Jodi and I were getting ready to do the same, Lily was, in turns, playful and fussy — one moment wide-eyed and smiling, the next gassy and grimacing. We thought little of it, since from day one Lily has been fussier and rumblier than all of our previous infants.

When we were both finally ready, Jodi sat propped my pillows, holding and patting our daughter to elicit a burp. I turned on a small bedside lamp that glows softly gold, just enough for my bride to feed by, then settled into bed next to my wife and infant daughter. We talked a bit, then Jodi began to nurse Lily. We prayed together, then I rolled away from the girls and drifted slowly off to sleep.

I woke to “HLLLAT!” and a sudden splash of warm liquid on my bare back and shoulders. “Oh!” I shouted, immediately awake and on my feet. I could feel a viscous fluid running down my back. I tried frantically to reach it, to keep it from dripping on the carpet. I turned and in the dim light saw Lily’s innocent face on Jodi’s wet shoulder. Jodi herself looked at me with sympathetic eyes. “Oh, honey!” she said. As I bolted for the bathroom, she began to laugh.

I came back with a towel looped around my shoulders and back. Jodi was examining her pajamas and the bedding: shirt, shorts, both sheets, the comforter, and multiple pillows were streaked with milky white vomit. Lily seemed very much at peace.

“That was quite the rude awakening, Lily-bell,” I said.

“You should have seen it!” said Jodi. “It came straight out, like a hose!”

“So, more like a spewed awakening,” I joked. “Fear no fluids, right hun?”*

“Right.”

Never rose so quickly — or so widely awake — in my life. If Lily did that every morning at six, I’d never be late again.

—-

* Our parenting motto, once we realized as young parents that our non-parenting friends had no stomach for stories like this one…

Book Break: Triumph

/ J. Thorp / 12 Comments

The title of this book tells you exactly what to expect. Triumph: The Power and the Glory of the Catholic Church by H.W. Crocker III was recommended to me by two or three different friends within a single month, which I found hard to ignore. It presents a well-referenced but “popular” history of the Catholic Church, written with a confident pro-Catholic bias, presumably for a Catholic audience. It was an enjoyable jaunt through the Church’s history, and it will give fire to the lukewarm. It will not, I predict, win the hearts and minds of many non-Catholic readers, should they choose to pick it up, because most will not finish it.

As I said, I enjoyed the book, but found it to be very uneven in quality. Of course, any history of an institution as old and rich as the Church cannot be confined to 427 pages without leaving out a few details. For the first half of the book, Crocker bounds through the centuries, focusing his attention on the most colorful or heroic defenders of the faith, painting a fascinating portrait of the Catholic Church ascending, but also justifying the shortcomings of its leaders in a way that borders on “the end justifies the means” at times, and dismissing sin within the Church as no worse than what was happening elsewhere, a standard I’m not sure Christ would have supported. This is not to say that the book is inaccurate — and historical context is important — but the ease with which war and wickedness are noted and discounted is disconcerting when we are called to be perfect, as God is perfect. If not perfect, we should at least be penitent…

Crocker’s unfiltered bias, wit, and sarcasm reach a fever pitch with Martin Luther and the Reformation. References to “the Hitler in Luther” and “Luther’s Khmer Rouge” suggest the author’s motivation is stirring Catholic pride and outrage rather than advancing scholarship in Church history. The criticism of Luther, Calvin, and other Protestant “fathers” is sometimes humorous, occasionally disturbing, and rarely if ever even-handed. I hope we would not tolerate a similar treatment of our priests.

The second half of the book seemed more balanced, although I’m curious if the support expressed for strong monarchies and an educated upper class over more democratic ideals is a true reflection of the 18th and 19th century Church or the author’s own preferences. I guess I have more reading to do in the regard. But the stance of the Church against the tide of liberalism, relativism, materialism, and all the other -isms encompassed in modernism did cause a warm swelling in my breast. There is wisdom in the Catholic Church, and an intellectual tradition that embraces the arts, the sciences, and the classics and needs not fear the world…if only more of us were better versed in it. I have made that a goal of my own, and Triumph provided further inspiration to pursue it.

This book is every bit as pro-Catholic as so many other accounts of world history are anti-. Personally, I would’ve liked to have seen more of the Church’s intellectual tradition itself in the book, and less of characters, wars, and political intrigue. I’d love to hear your thoughts on it, but if you read it, know what you’re getting into — especially if you are Protestant!

Book Break: The Santa of Oz?

/ J. Thorp / Leave a comment

A quick review today: as part of my ongoing reading in support of my writing, just before Christmas I checked out L. Frank Baum’s The Life and Adventures of Santa Claus and began to read it to the family. It’s a delightful book with an essentially pagan take on The Old Man’s origins and his status as a saint. It tracks his rescue from a hungry lioness by the nymph Necile when he was an abandoned infant in the Forest of Burzee (the lioness is later made to nurse the child and becomes his friend); it explains the origins of his unusual powers; the “why” behind the reindeer and little people who help him; and what motivated his mission on behalf of children in the first place.

As you might expect from the creative mind behind the Wizard of Oz, Baum’s story is delightful, quirky, and dark at times, but never too dark for children. His writing “voice” is distinctive, and I found it lent itself quite well to reading aloud. This book is a completely unique take (to my knowledge) on the Santa Claus legend, which is why I wanted to read it…but while it is kid-safe, parents may wish to read it first to see how it jives with the experience of Santa Claus in their own homes. It could also be a fun read for older kids who are beginning to question their beliefs; again, however, parents should peruse it first. The edition I read (a Signet Classics paperback, pictured) included an introduction and an afterword (the latter by a Jewish man who, as a boy, was against the very notion of Santa Claus) that make for interesting reading for adults, but might cause greater confusion for youngsters. All in all, our kids enjoyed it well enough, but afterward, Trevor said, “I think it was just a story he made up.”